The other day, we shared a quote on Facebook from T. D. Jakes,
Regardless of whom you hold responsible, there is no healing in blame.
We’re all prone to it. It’s a fairly universal human tendency. When things go wrong, find someone to blame.
The problem is, it never actually helps.
Don’t misunderstand. There are certainly times to hold other people responsible for damages they’ve caused. Confrontation is sometimes necessary and helpful. But there’s a kind of blaming that doesn’t confront. It merely wallows. It directs anger outwardly and creates misery inwardly.
We blame our parents for their poor example or their unwillingness to educate us. We blame political structures for complicating our economic environment or limiting our opportunities. We blame our spouse for not being on board or supporting us.
And here’s the big problem with this kind of blame… Blaming others gives the responsibility and the power to change away to an unwilling and sometimes unaware party.
In other words, you might wind up waiting your whole life for someone to apologize, to make amends, to make right what they made wrong, or to rescue you from the mess you believe they got you into to begin with.
But more often than not, they won’t show up. They won’t see it on their own. And even if they did, they’re often powerless to fix it.
In other words, it’s on you.
To overcome the blame game, you have to do two things.
First, take ownership and responsibility for your own life and future. No one is as invested in your future as you are. And nobody else will ever has a much power over your future as you do right now.
And second, start finding solutions instead of finding fault. Whatever energy you wasting on blaming others, spend it instead on solving the problems you’re facing.
Talk to a mentor. Make some plans. Find a way out of your predicament by looking at it from some new angles.
The pathway to success will never be easy. It will always challenge you, and that’s not a bad thing. Grow and keep on going!
photo credit: @zoltantasi
Brandon Cox is an entrepreneur, Northwest Arkansas Real Estate Agent, and blogger. He’s also a former pastor and church planter who still mentors and coaches church leaders. In addition to Unstrapped Life, Brandon blogs about life, leadership, and digital marketing.
Great article Brandon,
I remind myself daily that I am 100% responsible for my life.
Much Success to you
Great reminder!
Thank you Pastor Brandon! Again, a great lesson and challenge! You always give us new thoughts to wake us up!! Keep them coming😊👏👏
Haha, I’ll try Jo Ann!
Thank you Brandon for sharing your wisdom!!!
You’re very welcome, Michael!
Thank you for your article, what if the only person you are blaming is yourself, the same thing happens, zero but then it’s something else that’s stopping you, fear of failure is real, even though we are spirit filled, good Christian etc, fear stops you moving forward. I know that I am my own failure because of fear, there’s got to be a crucifixion of self in order to push through the loophole of uncertainty. It’s very easy for someone to say, just let it go, not if they knew that I have lost money & effort & energy on many many business ventures. And so, thank you, I do know what to do but I am afraid of both failure & success. Have you met anyone who self sabotage due to fear? It’s so real that it just freezes me up. Anyway, I did something big this week, quit my job to do full time ministry voluntarily. You are probably saying, she’s crazy! but I haven’t been so sure as this one. It was like a pull of my body, mind, soul & spirit & I don’t know why?
I say you’re brave. Very brave. And having resigned from your job, you should pursue ministry with a bold attitude! God bless you!